不知不覺,時間已經過去十年了。當時剛剛中學畢業,從校服儀容中解脫的我,就像一匹已經控制不了的野馬,心裡只想著如何可以女性化一點。第一件事是開始留起了長髮,然後第二件事,就是想試試穿一次女裝。甚麼都不會,甚至連 Crossdress 這個詞也不懂,但抱著很強決心的我,開始在網路上找尋方法。很快找到了一個香港的討論區,以為找到了自己的家,沒想到最後帶來了一次很差的經歷,而這是我收在心裡多年也沒跟任何人說過的回憶。
最近總有一種感覺,就是我的限期悄悄地已經到了。不是生命的限期已滿,而是作為偽娘的保質期。
回想對上一次拿出化妝品,穿起裙子拍一堆自拍照的日子,原來已經是快三個月之前,還在愛爾蘭的時候。自三個月前起,我的臉就像是對化妝品起了徹底的抵抗,只是塗一點點東西上臉,第二天保證發紅敏感起來,情況還愈發嚴重,現在不只是化妝品護膚品,甚至連眼鏡的鼻托,額上流下來的一滴汗水,都能令整張臉一大片面積紅腫痕癢起來。
回想對上一次拿出化妝品,穿起裙子拍一堆自拍照的日子,原來已經是快三個月之前,還在愛爾蘭的時候。自三個月前起,我的臉就像是對化妝品起了徹底的抵抗,只是塗一點點東西上臉,第二天保證發紅敏感起來,情況還愈發嚴重,現在不只是化妝品護膚品,甚至連眼鏡的鼻托,額上流下來的一滴汗水,都能令整張臉一大片面積紅腫痕癢起來。
又是話當年的時候,話說小時候爸爸幫我看過三世書,看過我上一輩子是怎樣的人,做過甚麼事。這本三世書大概是一本類似中國命理學的書籍,能根據出生的時晨等資料,看到上一輩子是怎樣的人,今生要做甚麼事,和下世會投胎到那兒。
爸爸是自己去找師傅看的,然後回家就很興奮地跟我們分享,說到我時當然我會特別留心,即使我從一開始就覺得不會有太大參考價值,但還是像沉迷星座運程般聽了起來。
沒想到老爸第一句就成功吸引到我的注意力,「你上一輩子是女生,在中國內地甚麼甚麼地方出生,姓氏是甚麼甚麼。」雖然很驚嘆這些資訊連姓氏跟出生地都有的這個精細程度,但我都聽不進去了。因為第一句「你上一輩子是女生」。
爸爸是自己去找師傅看的,然後回家就很興奮地跟我們分享,說到我時當然我會特別留心,即使我從一開始就覺得不會有太大參考價值,但還是像沉迷星座運程般聽了起來。
沒想到老爸第一句就成功吸引到我的注意力,「你上一輩子是女生,在中國內地甚麼甚麼地方出生,姓氏是甚麼甚麼。」雖然很驚嘆這些資訊連姓氏跟出生地都有的這個精細程度,但我都聽不進去了。因為第一句「你上一輩子是女生」。
再沒多久,我在愛爾蘭短短的一年生活就要結束了。回顧這一年間,由當初發貼詢問各位意見,到後來真正出發來這從未踏足的未知地方,又經歷過各種危機,幸而每每都有網友提供意見丶甚至出手相助。雖然未曾與各位網友真正見過面,但光是文字上的互動,已經是給予我很大的支持了。
Time flies, my life in Ireland is coming to an end soon. Looking back on this year, begin from asking opinions on my working holiday destination, I was given a lot of support by you guys.
This is my first time away from home alone for that long, I am glad that so many of you provide me lots of advice or even actual help, although we have never met before.
這一年間,我不是說希望偷懶不打工,只是難得地能短暫離開只有生存而沒有生活的香港,我想去發掘一直以來沒有多餘心力去發掘的這個可能性:「做自己喜歡的事,然後能付得起房租。」
Someone may know that, Hong Kong is a really stressful place. People work long hours, but finally they used most of their salary to rent a small room. In this short period of time that I can leave from Hong Kong, I wanted to discover the possibility that I never had extra effort to discover: "Do what you love, then get paid for it."
這陣子如果有留意我動向的話,大概也會知道我有在寫部落格研究美容護膚丶寫下自己的故事和旅遊探險經歷等等丶還有就是賣自己的手作製品。我也很清楚明白自己還不是一個合格的文字工作者,也不是精工的手藝商人,在這個還在學習的階段,每篇文章丶每件產品都花了很多很多時間,但其實最後自己也不是很滿意。
You may probably know that I am writing blogs about beauty, my own stories and my travel adventures, etc. (I wish I can translate them all into English some day.) And also selling my own hand-made products. I know that currently I am not a qualified writing worker, nor a skilled craftsman. In this stage of learning, each article and each product spend me a lot of time, but at last, I am still not feeling so satisfied on them.
除了賣出產品外,可能你也會好奇我在做的事是怎樣才能有收入,其實收入不外乎是讀者的打賞,和你們在網頁內所看到的廣告給的佣金分乘。我希望的收入來源,並不是來自追求者有 "其他目的” 的捐款,也不是想找個人包養,而是想從自己的創作中得到收入。但可能是內容還是不夠圖文並茂丶段落又不夠通順,總之就是最後的成果還是不夠好,費盡心思到頭來,別說是房租,連足夠吃飯的收入也不太有。
You may also wonder how can I earn income by writing. In fact, most of them a from readers donation, and a small commission from the advertisements you see on my webpage. I hope my source of income is from someone that satisfies my work, but not from pursuer that has "other purpose", nor Sugar Daddy. However, may be my content is still not good enough, the final result is not so good. Not to mention rent, the income is even not enough to pay for my lunch.
本來的還打算是接下來會直接去一直很想去的保加利亞一段時間,去體驗從未體驗的東歐文化丶去看一年一度的玫瑰節,但在"老本" 都快花光的今天,大概是有點難了呢。厚臉皮地一問,如果我的創作你曾經有得到過一點點有用資訊丶娛樂丶或「使用過」 (哈哈),可以去我們網誌購買這一本共七張照片組成的小電子書 (應該是有史以來我最性感) 支持一下嗎我的保加利亞之行嗎?如果這次保加利亞之旅能成行,答應大家我會步出房間,拍一輯有風景丶有我樣子的外景照大家看!
In my plan last year, I intend to go Bulgaria for a while. I want to see Rose Festival, and to experience the Eastern European culture that I have never experienced before. But probably it will be a little difficult right now. If I have ever brings you a little bit of useful information, entertainment or "usage" (haha) in my creation, can you go to my blog and buy this set ebook (7 photos in total, should be the sexiest pics ever for just €1!) to support my trip to Bulgaria? If this trip to Bulgaria can be done, I promise that I will step out of the room and take pictures with the scenery!
Time flies, my life in Ireland is coming to an end soon. Looking back on this year, begin from asking opinions on my working holiday destination, I was given a lot of support by you guys.
This is my first time away from home alone for that long, I am glad that so many of you provide me lots of advice or even actual help, although we have never met before.
Someone may know that, Hong Kong is a really stressful place. People work long hours, but finally they used most of their salary to rent a small room. In this short period of time that I can leave from Hong Kong, I wanted to discover the possibility that I never had extra effort to discover: "Do what you love, then get paid for it."
這陣子如果有留意我動向的話,大概也會知道我有在寫部落格研究美容護膚丶寫下自己的故事和旅遊探險經歷等等丶還有就是賣自己的手作製品。我也很清楚明白自己還不是一個合格的文字工作者,也不是精工的手藝商人,在這個還在學習的階段,每篇文章丶每件產品都花了很多很多時間,但其實最後自己也不是很滿意。
You may probably know that I am writing blogs about beauty, my own stories and my travel adventures, etc. (I wish I can translate them all into English some day.) And also selling my own hand-made products. I know that currently I am not a qualified writing worker, nor a skilled craftsman. In this stage of learning, each article and each product spend me a lot of time, but at last, I am still not feeling so satisfied on them.
除了賣出產品外,可能你也會好奇我在做的事是怎樣才能有收入,其實收入不外乎是讀者的打賞,和你們在網頁內所看到的廣告給的佣金分乘。我希望的收入來源,並不是來自追求者有 "其他目的” 的捐款,也不是想找個人包養,而是想從自己的創作中得到收入。但可能是內容還是不夠圖文並茂丶段落又不夠通順,總之就是最後的成果還是不夠好,費盡心思到頭來,別說是房租,連足夠吃飯的收入也不太有。
You may also wonder how can I earn income by writing. In fact, most of them a from readers donation, and a small commission from the advertisements you see on my webpage. I hope my source of income is from someone that satisfies my work, but not from pursuer that has "other purpose", nor Sugar Daddy. However, may be my content is still not good enough, the final result is not so good. Not to mention rent, the income is even not enough to pay for my lunch.
本來的還打算是接下來會直接去一直很想去的保加利亞一段時間,去體驗從未體驗的東歐文化丶去看一年一度的玫瑰節,但在"老本" 都快花光的今天,大概是有點難了呢。厚臉皮地一問,如果我的創作你曾經有得到過一點點有用資訊丶娛樂丶或「使用過」 (哈哈),可以去我們網誌購買這一本共七張照片組成的小電子書 (應該是有史以來我最性感) 支持一下嗎我的保加利亞之行嗎?如果這次保加利亞之旅能成行,答應大家我會步出房間,拍一輯有風景丶有我樣子的外景照大家看!
In my plan last year, I intend to go Bulgaria for a while. I want to see Rose Festival, and to experience the Eastern European culture that I have never experienced before. But probably it will be a little difficult right now. If I have ever brings you a little bit of useful information, entertainment or "usage" (haha) in my creation, can you go to my blog and buy this set ebook (7 photos in total, should be the sexiest pics ever for just €1!) to support my trip to Bulgaria? If this trip to Bulgaria can be done, I promise that I will step out of the room and take pictures with the scenery!
最後問大家一個問題,你有不想放棄的興趣嗎?
Finally, let me ask you a question, do you have anythings that you don't wanna give up?